Vulcan-Not Vulcan
Posted on Sat Jan 4th, 2025 @ 2:09am by Lt JG Adalyn O'Rourke Ph.D. & Lt JG Fenora
Edited on on Sat Jan 4th, 2025 @ 11:47pm
2,544 words; about a 13 minute read
Mission:
Episode 2 - The Sins of History
Location: Office of the Ship's Profiler - Deck 9 - USS Artemis
Timeline: MD009 1300 hrs
Fenora had no idea how counseling worked on a ship like the Artemis, but she was curious. So, she stopped by to have a look and to get her routine evaluation. Like her medical checkup, she generally didn't think about it until she got a transfer. She also wanted to meet the counselor and profiler.
During difficult missions, Adalyn was particularly grateful for her dual role as counselor and profiler. This current case was certainly one of the more difficult cases she had tackled emotionally in some time and she was glad to have the opportunity to connect with other people as a part of her work in addition to diving into the dirt criminal mind of Vamcet.
By the time her new arrival made herself known, Adalyn had removed herself from her chair, a polite smile on her features as she offered her hand. "Hello. I'm Adalyn O'Rourke. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Fenora," the Vulcan replied with a smile. "The pleasure is mine. I'm new to the ship and in need of a routine assessment." She glanced around the room to see what it showed about the counselor.
The walls were painted a pale shade of "Lake Placid," a shade that could look light purple or blue depending on perspective and lighting. The furniture looked standard issue in terms of color and materials, but was obviously meant to support people of various species. It was also arranged in various ways to allow for group and more individualized meetings. Diffusers scattered around the room could be activated to offer various scents if need be, meant to calm the agitated and potentially traumatized victims and witnesses she could encounter. Throw pillows and blankets were scattered across the furniture as well to offer additional comfort.
Adalyn's desk was in the center of the room and was mostly clear except for a couple of colorful artificial floral arrangements and a couple of holo-photos of her grandparents and friends.
O'Rourke gestured for Fenora to make herself comfortable. "I appreciate your diligence. I wish all were as conscientious."
The Vulcan inclined her head and sat down. "I don't know if I'd call it conscientious or prone to distraction. I admit, once I get involved in work, I tend to forget things like evaluations, so it's best to do them first."
"You know yourself well and take action accordingly," Adalyn replied. "I respect that. Before we get started in earnest, would you like something from the replicator?"
"No, thank you, but please, feel free to get yourself something." It was more a human custom, and one she hadn't adopted. She found it useful for people watching in a pub or lounge, but for this, she would prefer to have her hands free and focus on the counselor's questions.
"I'm fine, actually. I think if I take in any more caffeine, I might just go into orbit myself," she added with a smile. She took her seat and offered, "I like these meetings to be relatively informal. My intention is to get to know you a little bit and for you to get to know me, so if you ever do have anything you want to talk through, you'll know someone to talk to."
The Vulcan nodded. "That is a wise approach. So, where do you wish to start?" She didn't have anything to hide and liked the idea of getting to know the counselor.
"Wherever you'd like to," O'Rourke offered. "What do you think I should know first and foremost about you?"
Fenora laughed. She might as well start with the most apparent. "As you can tell, I do not follow Vulcan ideology. That's also why I'm in Starfleet and not teaching on Vulcan."
The counselor smiled. "I did happen to notice that. I read your file of course, but I'm quite curious about how that came to be from your perspective. Will you tell me more?"
"I don't generally go into details, except with my doctor and counselor." Most of it no longer made her uncomfortable, but it was still a part of her life on Vulcan she preferred not to remember. "When I was a child my parents entered a contract with their friends for me to become bondmate to their son after I finished my education. I barely knew him and thought it was so far in the future it wasn't a concern. Until my first pon farr. My parents decided that the man I would spend my life with should be the one to initiate me. He was nineteen at the time and I was far too young and totally unprepared. He...was neither gentle nor understanding. My parents blamed me." She spoke calmly, keeping a measured distance from the child she was. "As soon as I graduated from the Vulcan Science Academy, I broke the contract and left Vulcan. I cut ties with my family and with my heritage. I came to earth and continued my education before finally joining Starfleet."
Whatever the counselor may have known beforehand, hearing these details from Fenora was sobering. No matter how many times the counselor heard details of another person's trauma, It always stirred compassion within her. The day that stopped would be the day she quit. "I'm so very sorry for what you went through. To survive the initial experience sounds horrific enough, but then to not to receive support from your parents? I can only imagine how devastating that must've felt. I have some knowledge of pon farr and as an outsider, I have never been sure where physiological drive ends and personality and intention begins."
"The physical drive is very real, but there are other ways to deal with pon farr. Since that first time, I've chosen to use martial arts. I find that a good holographic combat is sufficient for me to overcome the need to mate. It would be logical to assume that personality would be a factor as well, but I have insufficient experience to address that."
There may be other ways to deal with the biological realities, the counselor thought, but that also meant, at least for now, that Fenora would be without a partner and childless. That wasn't the end of the universe, of course, but it did speak to a certain level of potential trauma if those particular choices remained foreclosed, not because of personal values and choice, but because of a prior event that was not her fault. Adalyn had so many questions, but she knew she had to tread carefully. "I know this experience happened some time ago, but I'm wondering how it may still affect you? I ask because I'm wondering how I might support you?"
The Vulcan knew that to some, her reaction was illogical, but she could not bring herself to consider another. She hadn't met anyone she trusted enough, cared or enough, to even try. "Thank you, but I do not need support or help. I have found a course that satisfies my biological needs and Starfleet gives me a place to expand my intellectual ones."
"Of course," Adalyn acknowledged. "I meant in terms of addressing the prior traumatic experience. Even though time has passed, I know sometimes people still struggle with things like nightmares and flashbacks, and even just general irritability at times. I'm wondering, have you experienced anything like that recently?"
"No... No nightmares or flashbacks." She'd pushed them out of her thoughts years ago through meditation and focusing on her studies. "The last time I even thought of Smarn was when my mother informed me he had taken another woman as his mate."
"What was that like for you...finding out another woman was in the position you once were?" Adalyn was not a person to invent problems where there were none, but she wasn't entirely convinced all the trauma was behind Fenora.
"I felt sorry for her." Fenora shrugged. "But if she is bonded to Smarn for logical reasons only, then she'll be a perfect match." She paused. "I was also relieved. While I had refused him, I was not sure if my parents had given up on the idea. So, when he chose another, I knew I was truly free."
O'Rourke nodded in understanding. She still wasn't entirely sure all was behind Fenora, but there didn't appear to be any acute trauma apparent. "Freedom is a wonderful feeling. So besides work, what do you like to do with your freedom?"
"I like music and literature. I discovered some very good authors and artists while I was studying on earth. And I love to read histories. I will often have music playing in the background when I read. I find it soothing."
Adalyn nodded, finding similar interests between herself and Fenora. "What about social connections?" Thus far, Fenora had described solo activities, but social interaction was also important, though often the most challenging following relational trauma.
"I occasionally get together with other scientists, but most of my socializing happens at work. I like time to read and meditate. Or exercise." Fenora liked people, but she didn't need to be around them. Sometimes it was nice to spend time alone for a while to regroup and recharge.
"I can appreciate the value of alone time and the comfort that comes from socializing with colleagues," Adalyn replied. "Still, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder if you didn't spend your time being a little too solitary? After everything you've been through, it's understandable that you'd prefer your own company most of the time, but my question is, how comfortable are you with connecting with new people outside of work?"
Fenora shrugged. "I'm not uncomfortable. I spent years at university where I'd meet new people every semester, and many in other disciplines. It is not difficult to find some common ground. I simply enjoy solitude after a day of work or study. It is a Vulcan trait I appreciate."
O'Rourke couldn't deny the last statement and she had no specific evidence to suggest Fenora was struggling. Still, she wouldn't be doing her due diligence as a therapist if she didn't explore all possibilities. "I hear you stating a preference to keep your own company," Adalyn acknowledged with a nod. "I also hear you saying you can and have dealt with meeting new people. I have no doubt you can do that, but I'm wondering how difficult that might be for you, or if it's difficult at all?"
Fenora shrugged. "Like many Vulcans, I do not require social activities or people to be happy. I'm more of a people watcher and am content to remain so; although I do have friends in the academic and scientific communities." She knew there was every chance she would eventually find someone she cared enough about to overcome her fear of commitment, but for now, she was content as she was.
“And romance? Are you open to exploring that part of your life again?” O’Rourke wasn’t normally so hesitant to be so direct, and she realized she probably should have started that way, but the trauma therapist in her, and the part of her that wanted to be respectful of other people’s hurts, led her to tread carefully.
"I don't know. I've yet to meet someone I like enough to try." She shrugged. She wouldn't avoid it, but she wasn't sure if she would find the right man. Or if anyone would want to spend time with a woman who worked with skeletons for a living.
"If you did, would you be open to the possibility of pursuing a romance?" O'Rourke asked. "Just to clarify, I ask this not because I think you need a romantic partner or because I think it's a requirement for your healing, but because the more open we can be after difficult times, the easier it tends to be to cope with whatever comes."
"I hope so. I'm more open to it than I was at university." She really hadn't given it more than a casual thought, but she knew she couldn't run from it forever. And she had seen Vulcan associates in healthy relationships, so she knew it was possible. However, she doubted that, even if she found someone she liked enough to consider a relationship, anything would come of it.
"That's progress," Adalyn acknowledged with a nod. "I think I detect some hesitation in your voice, however. Assuming I'm reading that right, would you tell me more about that?"
"A relationship takes two people. I'm a Vulcan and an academic, even if I do not always act like it. The odds are not in my favor."
The response was not what Adalyn expected, but as with so many of Fenora's responses, Adalyn found herself all the more intrigued and equally filled with compassion. "Are you saying you don't think you'll find someone who is interested in you because of who you are, or vice versa?"
"Not in a romantic way, no. I turned my back on my heritage, which is a problem for most Vulcans. Not all, I know, but we are a small minority. I am also far too intellectual for most other species. I learned this while I was a student. It was reinforced during my early years in Starfleet. I am a friend and a buddy. I accept that. If--and that is an if--I meet someone who can care for me without trying to change me, and if I can trust him enough to relax my barriers, then we'll see. But I do not need someone in my life to feel complete. Perhaps later, but for now, I am content." It was true, but she did occasionally feel lonely. She also knew other academics who felt the same, so it wasn't something she needed to fix. "Life is rarely what we want it to be. We simply make the most of what we have."
“it’s good to know yourself well,“ O’Rourke agreed. “It’s also good to keep an open mind about what the future might hold and also remain open to the possibility of going after what you want because you won’t get it otherwise, whatever that might be.” Glancing at the chronometer, Adalyn realized she was due to see her next client shortly. “I am happy to say I see no reason not to clear you for duty, but I would be happy to meet with you again if you ever need someone to talk with. I expect we’re all going to continue to work closely together, and we will need to lean on each other.“
Fenora stood and bowed. "Thank you, doctor. I will definitely keep that in mind." She liked the counselor. If she ever had the opportunity to reevaluate her views on relationships, she'd come back. But for now, she wanted to get more familiar with her duties here.
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Junior Grade Adalyn O'Rourke
Ship's Counselor/Profiler, USS Artemis
Starfleet Criminal Investigations Unit
Lieutenant Junior Grade Fenora
Forensic Anthropologist, USS Artemis
Starfleet Criminal Investigations Unit
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